Naughty Little Monsters

So you’re kid has been naughty….they need to know there are consequences for bad behaviour…what do you do?

I’ve been having this discussion with people for a few days this week and there seems to be something in the air.  Or water.  Or something as every 3 year old I know has been an absolute horror over the last few days!!    So what do we do about it??  Well, St Supernanny would have us put them in time out for 3  minutes.  She would tell us to come down to eye level and tell them to look at us when we talk to them.  She would tell us to deliver a warning.  She would tell us to put the little horrors straight into time out when the behaviour continues.  Have we all tried this??  It would appear it’s the punishment of choice with the parents at the school gates so I’m guessing at least 95% of us have, does it work??  Not in this house!!

I can barely boil an egg because I’m so bad at timing stuff, so I bought a Time Out pad from eBay for just a few pounds.  It lives at the bottom of the stairs in the hall.  You basically set it with your child’s age, then when they behave badly, you take them to the designated place, press the ‘Start’ button to activate, sit them on it and away you go.  An alarm will sound if they try to leave the pad – and I have to say, this feature works a treat!  My monster hates the alarm so when she’s put on it…she stays put!!  It starts with a red light, and then as the time passes and you get to that last minute, the lights switch to orange – letting your beloved little one know they are on the home stretch.  At the end of the time, the lights switch to green and there’s a celebratory sounding tune.

All of the steps as recommended by Supernanny used to work a treat…coming down to eyelevel, demanding she look at me, delivering a warning then leading her by the hand to the step.  Explaining why she’s on the step then walking away while she serves her time.  Then she got used to it.

I have a friend who works for social services and teaches a parenting class to bad parents, yet every time she babysits her 3yr old nephew, she drops him off at grandmas after a few hours because she can’t handle him….and he’s not even that badly behaved!!!!

It’s easy enough for these so called experts to see common sense behind their methods – but what do they suggest we do when the little buggers become immune and the methods no longer have the desired effect?

These days, she’ll do everything physically possible to avoid eye contact and as for the warnings….I might as well be waving a red flag to a bull in a china shop for all the good it does!!  We all know she’s gonna go and do what I’ve just warned her not to do the second the words leave my mouth.  Then it’s a case of dragging her kicking and screaming to the step.

Then, once I’ve actually managed to get her sitting on the pad, from the second I walk away she will scream herself hoarse and be close to either hyperventilation or vomiting by the time her 3 minutes is up!  And that’s when I can tear her off!  I have problems with my back and neck and sometimes the struggle to get her to the step causes too much pain and I have nothing left in me to fight back at that point and have no option but to sit with her L

If I end up sitting with her (and believe me, that is a last resort!) I am able to calm down quite quickly and am usually able to both get and keep her attention so I can calmly explain in more detail why it is that she needs to do as I am saying.  It leads me to wonder if sitting with her and discussing it calmly isn’t a better way to deal with the situation?  All these kiddy whisperer types people tell us we should not be instilling fear but rather taking control of the situation - am I not instilling fear of the step by delivering warnings and walking away once she’s on there??  The way she reacts would certainly lead me to believe so – but is it just an act??  Is it a stalling tactic to avoid punishment?  How on earth do these people figure it out?  And why do they never have kids of their own?!?!?!?

When I was a kid and I misbehaved I got a smack on the ass – or worse still, the side of the thigh (ouch!!) and I’ve got to say, it really didn’t do me any harm!! I never actually did much wrong anyway, I usually only got a smack for being cheeky!

So what do you think?  It’s pretty safe to say that you’ve tried giving time outs so share your stories on method, how successful it was and other punishment/teaching/positive reinforcement techniques you’ve tried….tell us the good ones, the bad ones, the funniest and the lamest….